Tuesday, June 14, 2011

POST #31- Right Where I Am: 1 year 2months & 2weeks

        My boat is sitting as I look around and notice how my surrounding waters have stilled. Those who pass would have to look hard to see that I've just came out of a storm they couldn’t even imagine and if they look hard enough they might even be able to see a glimpse of it still looming behind me. Others can clearly see the big hole it my boat and wonder how I’m still above water with such a whole that could never be fixed. But, all in all, I’m still afloat. So this would be a perfect time to open up my sail, look forward and sail toward my destination don’t you think? But instead I slowly float not going anywhere in particular. I’m afraid my sail is too torn to be certain of its abilities and well, frankly, though those skies ahead look clear and blue, I remember when I was deceived by them before only to go head on into a storm. A storm I wasn’t sure I would make it out alive. Not to say that I did. Maybe I did die in that storm or at least a big part of me. So for me, my sail stays down and I'll float along. Maybe here and there I'll rebuild but instead of wood this time it will be made of steel. But that hole in the center of my boat can never be mended nothing can repair it. It will always be there. So here I am floating along waiting for the next storm knowing it won’t compare but still not ready to go forward head on.

3 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

I loved your post. I'm so very sorry about beautiful Clara.
Visiting via Angie's blog today.
With much love.
xo

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry for the passing of your precious Clara. My heart goes out to you. I loved your analogy of the storm and boat. Be gentle with yourself and take the time to float. You'll find your land legs when the time is right for you. You are so right, we will always have that hole in our hearts that nothing can fill. Beautiful post.

Fireflyforever said...

I'm visiting from Angie's blog today (belatedly, I'm afraid). Little Clara is beautiful. I am sorry she died.

Your metaphor of the boat and the storm is absolutely spot on. I also find it hard to believe the skies are really blue - I'm too aware of the storms that can swirl up out of nowhere. But, at 2+ years now, I'm learning to make the most of the blue skies, just in case.